Today is my 30th Mothers-versary…It
was one of the
most pivotal moments in my life. When I was in my early 20s, I couldn't see
myself taking care of anything unless it had black and white keys
and made
sounds…That’s just who I was. It was all music and all about
me…
Then something
changed and the emotional readiness to become a mother kicked
in…It was as
overwhelming a need as the salmon’s instinctual tenacity to return
to its
spawning ground.
My life was in order, my home was spotless and
life was
basically uncomplicated. But this hunger to nurture another human
being
continued to grow. It all surfaced around a single incident.
I was
almost a
fatality in a traffic accident. I remember the moment my life
welled up inside
my brain. I was the passenger in the car and a drunk driver
barreled full speed
into the intersection, running the light. There was absolutely no way
I would have
survived this on impact.
I saw it happen before it happened; kudos
to extra sensory
perception. I can close my eyes now and relive every stark moment
in detail. Something
inside of me said, “It’s not supposed to end like this.” Had I not
yelled the
warning as the headlights loomed toward me and the driver gunned the accelerator; my history would
have been very
different.
Now every time I pass this intersection, I
relive this
moment and my decision to become a mother. Etched in my brain is how this “near miss” woke up my life
and screamed
at me. The lone driver of the car behind me was not so fortunate. He ended up taking the hit but miraculously, only stunned, wasn't injured.
When I became pregnant, I read every book I
could find about
the changes that would happen to my body. I embarked on this
journey armed with
information. This was a “no turning back” kind of groove. I would
daydream about
what it would be like to have this little person in my life. I
would give her
everything that my mother had given me: every skill set needed to survive
in the world as a thriving member of the human community.
As a mother, watching her grow through her
phases and
firsts, I got to see what it was like for me as an infant
developing into a
child and then becoming an adult. Watching her develop into
herself is one of
life’s fascinations. I began to understand my mother more and
gained respect
for her wisdom. I used to think I was deprived by the way she
protected me, but
I can see now that she was protecting me so that nothing would
happen to me
that would change my view of the world growing up.
I had an uncomplicated, normal pregnancy. I walked, became a Buddhist, took yoga class, talked to this baby and wrote her a diary. I began to see that becoming a mother was just one more detail that connected me with who I was as a person and enhanced my creativity and depth of vision.
I had a wonderful pregnancy. I kept my energy
positive and
surrounded myself with people who were positive.
It was 1982. The cost of a postage stamp was 20
cents, the
cost of gas was still under a buck. The first CD player was sold
in Japan,
Michael Jackson released Thriller, "videodiscs" were becoming more
popular or as
they are known today: DVDs.
This was an interesting time for my child to
become a part
of the world. The computer
was becoming
even more mainstream as a part of American culture and was named
on TIME’s
cover as Machine of the Year. Technology
was
emerging rapidly.
This pregnancy seemed to take forever. I know a
lot of people
must have thought I was going crazy and talking to myself, but
really I was
talking to her. I knew that she could hear me in utero as the
fascination with
the mystery of the unborn grew.
Here we were: so close to each
other and yet still
strangers. My body had changed and my center of gravity was off
balance. ( I can't imagine how these women today day can walk in heels pregnant!) I had
a fascination with quiches and loved to prepare them. Life was evolvement and evolvement was life.
The home stretch.
My water broke.. Pretty uneventful...Just
my signal that
I was in the home stretch. Nothing like on TV… Well, really, is ANYTHING in
reality like TV?
Got
to the hospital ready for her arrival…Healthcare was a totally
different animal
back in 1982. I had great insurance. The hospital bill was $2… I
call her my
bargain baby.
I opted for no epidural. I didn't want anything to affect
this baby. I braved over
11 hours without
drugs. It really wasn't that bad because the outcome of labor was going to be positive. I was prepared through Lamaze classes and was ready to use
the learned
method of breathing to make this baby’s journey into the world the
best.
Her
destined birthday
was Dec 28, but she made her journey at 7:16 pm
on December 11, 1982, 5 lbs,
6 oz and 17
inches long. I looked at her and wondered who she would be. She was so tiny and
vulnerable with the
tiniest little feet. When I brought her home she weighed only 4
lbs. I would
carry her around in a little sac called a Snugli and she was so tiny,
people would
ask "Is there a baby in there?"
What would be her mark?…I looked in
anticipation of the
birthdays to come and the milestones to come. As the years moved
forward and my
life tenure as a mother accumulated, I began to understand my
mother’s secret.
Not really a secret at all.
I used to think my mother was psychic. She could call out a situation without even knowing the details. Sometimes it seemed like she even knew my thoughts. She had a knack for being able to figure out a lot about people and situations. I used to think she was just a killjoy. But in actuality as I look back at it, as the old folks in the country used to say, “Just do enough living, you’ll see.”
I used to think my mother was psychic. She could call out a situation without even knowing the details. Sometimes it seemed like she even knew my thoughts. She had a knack for being able to figure out a lot about people and situations. I used to think she was just a killjoy. But in actuality as I look back at it, as the old folks in the country used to say, “Just do enough living, you’ll see.”
Being a mom, gave me insight into people and
situations. I
could understand a lot more about human frailty when I became a
mom. These amazing
instincts and insights kick in
once you earn your “mommy card”. It is the greatest education that
anyone can
get. There is no “mommy university”. You don’t get a degree, but
the wonderful
rewards of your child's triumphs and accomplishments became plentiful as the years
roll forward.
I would hold long conversations with my infant daughter, sing
songs, read constantly to her and play all kinds of music. She would give me this look as
she processed my speech…It was almost like she was saying “Run
that by me
again?” There was no such thing as baby talk. I wanted her to
speak clearly and
express herself succinctly in the world she would come to know.
Humans are babies for a quick second. I used to
muse that if
I kept hugging her tightly, she wouldn't grow up. But, even though
she did, she
will always be my baby. She
got her
first tooth on July 15, 1983, her second July 23, started crawling
at 6 months.
By 8 months old, she began to talk. Her first word was “book.”
From that point on, her vocabulary blossomed and by the time she was a
little over a year
she was speaking in complete sentences with clarity.
She also knew how to color well within the
lines by the time
she was 4. I started her in private kindergarten that year because
the school
system had a weird cut off about kids born in December.
In private kindergarten, my
daughter had
homework and learned how to add and subtract.
The following year when I enrolled her in
public first
grade, the administration was trying to tell me that she would
have to repeat
kindergarten because of where her birthday fell in December. I considered that quite an inept concept and wondered who came up with that ridiculous idea. You
should have
seen me. I was like Sally Field in Forrest Gump fighting for my
child’s rights
and dignity. Needless to
say, I won the
battle.
So I sit here today with a huge hatbox and several photo albums and the ongoing scrapbook I work on for her as she moves forward in life. I’m reminded of an an excerpt from a poem I put in her scrapbook by Ruth Hulbert Hamilton:
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait til
tomorrow,
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my
sorrow
So quiet down cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
Turning 30, is not just her milestone, but mine as well. I think sometimes as our kids get older, they forget that their celebration of birth is also a celebration for us as well. This is what prompted me to come up with term "Mothers-versary and Fathers-versary".
So, whenever someone shares that their child has a birthday, I celebrate them as well. Does this milestone in our lives seem like yesterday? You bet! But should I close my eyes
from this
journey called living tomorrow, I can rest knowing that I brought
three amazing
children into the world who will carry on and make their own legacies throughout their lives.
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