Spam: It’s not just for eating anymore

I remember when a virus was something you caught that was a little more than a cold. Now when I hear the word "virus" I think of computer health and not human health. The thought that some geek is out there getting his jollies by wreaking havoc on computers is like someone sneezing in a crowd with swine flu or something else contagious.

I remember when a bit and bite had to do with food like: I'll have a little bit of this cookie and a bite of this apple. But of course in life as we no longer know it, a bit and byte have to do with computer memory. A megabyte or terabyte is ok in the computer, but a mega bite when it comes to food simply means you're over eating.

Now, a gig used to mean a job. For musicians, the more gigs you have the more you can support yourself as a working musician. In "computer speak", the more gigs you have the more space you have on your computer to add more programs and files.

Back in the day, there was no such thing as software. Hardware was from the hardware store, but had absolutely nothing to do with computers; because when computers started to became mainstream, they only thing they could do with regards to software was let you play a game called "Pong". Looking back? How prehistoric!

Now, I don't know how this happened, but somehow, computer terminology started to sound a lot like food. When you're browsing the web there is something called a cookie that's just a message that's stored on your computer . When you visit a web page, your cookie is like a dog-tag that recognizes you. Sometimes you just don't want share your cookie! A lot of people like their PCs, but others love their Apples.

Spam started out in 1937 as meat made of chopped pork shoulder with ham pieces. Interestingly enough, 3.8 cans of Spam are consumed every second! So when we talk about internet spam, ( which is not for eating), but annoying the hell out of you, ten times the amount of spamming emails are "consumed" in a virtual mailbox every second than cans of Spam consumed. Spamming is actually a job and a duty for the people who send them. They're called spammers.

They inundate your email with messages on how you can make your penis bigger, to how you can make an income licking envelopes, or buy a huge house from the profits of your home based business. Anyway, it's the most annoying, aggravating garbage to inundate our lives with foolishness in the new millennium to date. Spam is your virtual pain in the butt.

The people who send out these insane emails have no regard for you. They don't care. It's just what they do and they feel an entitlement in doing it.They can even send out spam with "your" email address without you knowing it and your email could get shut down from the spam police!

We no longer have just a home address or a mailing address, but an email address. We no longer hang wallpaper on our walls, but put wallpaper on our desktops. A registry has now come to mean an area where your software serial numbers and passwords are stored on your computer, not just where a betrothed couple can share their gift preferences for their upcoming nuptials. Most of us enjoy a cup of Java to start the day, but without Java on your computer many programs just won't run.

Peripheral used to be connected to vision, still is, but it also means additional hardware that you add to your computer, like a mouse, monitor or external drive. No longer just a rodent, the mouse is a necessity when using your computer to browse or work with programs. When I Google the word RAM , I don't get the animal, or even a reference to the 1971 album by Paul and Linda McCartney, in the top 12 search results. I get Random Access Memory, which provides space for your computer to read and write data to be accessed by the CPU or computer.(central processing unit). I know, CPU sounds like a government agency.

So are you confused? I know a lot of folks can't get with this new fangled technology, but it was the baby boomers generation that really mainstreamed it. It was the generation of the parents of boomers that pioneered the concept of the computer. We are moving so fast in this technological age that we must get with the program. Pardon the pun.

In a minute, paper will be a thing of the past. Everything will be functionally virtual. I admit, I am a virtual girl in a virtual world. I love the technology. It's an integral part of my life.

Everything involves a chip, from the Ipod to the Bluetooth to the GPS to the bag of Keebler cookies. How did we get here? I don't know, but sometimes it's a good thing for the expediency it creates, but on the other hand can lead to ultimate confusion. So breathe---because this is the world as we no longer know it.

I will say that I appreciate the convenience of a computer for copying and pasting, or my favorite: hitting the undo button. Now, if only my life had had an undo button, that would've been great! People could undo bad dates, experiences and bad marriages. Instead of a divorce, you could just delete your spouse to end the marriage. Hmmm. I'm sure it's coming.

Flash is not just to add light to your camera in a darkened room when you're taking a picture, but a computer program that makes for great widgets and animation. We drive cars, but now we must have a drive to store our files. Memory is something that I think I need more of as I get older; more than my computers.

Word is not just a collection of nouns, adjectives and verbs that you say, but a word processing program that makes writing easier and how I write my blogs. Excel doesn't just mean "surpassing in accomplishment or achievement", but is a spreadsheet program that knocked a program called Lotus (which was also the name for a flower) into anonymity. An extension is something you ask for from the IRS to get more time to file your taxes, or an extra phone line in the house, but it's also used to describe a computer file type.

Joystick? I just remember the name of the hit song by the Dazz Band in 1983. But in computer speak, it's a device typically used to control objects on a computer screen. And while you have windows in your house, on your computer windows can crash or give you this message like "fatal exception". It means only one thing: your computer may have had a heart attack.

It's amazing how words have changed but really more amazing how we have to keep up with them to survive, especially when it comes to computers.