The Changing Of The Guard: Guardian Abuses In America

This is the story of Viola Nero. She is a vibrant 90 year old who loves her garden and the home where she raised her children. “While others are enjoying the holidays at home, mom is forced to stay in a nursing home against her will, and the "guardian" refuses to let her take even a one hour drive with her son.” says Steve Nero, her son who celebrates the vibrancy and spirit of his mother’s life.

This is not just Viola’s story, it’s sadly the story of many seniors who have fallen victim to something we can only call “The changing of the guard”. It has become a battle of greedy malicious siblings, political blow holes and legislation that works at killing the spirit of people who are living a long and fulfilling life and systematically encroach on the lives they’ve built and take it from them. And it's all legal.

“Guardianship” is merely a legal way to deplete the spirits and belongings of the elderly who don’t have dementia or Alzheimer’s and paint them with a very broad brush by throwing them into nursing homes rendering them useless. The elderly are citizens entitled to live their lives and can share legacies and history with their children, grand children and great grand children.

“What is happening to my mother is epidemic throughout America and it must stop, but, how can we make better laws when our elected officials and government regulatory agencies ignore our phone calls, emails and refuse to meet? I am learning that justice achieved in America is obtained by PR battles, not by elected officials or courts doing what’s right.” Steve has  further implemented his fight by producing a documentary entitled "TAKEN" to bring this heart breaking legal nightmare to the forefront.

How is it that America disregards and dismisses its elderly population and has little regard for them in its communities? How did we get to this place? To live a long life and be able to impart experience and wisdom should be a celebration, not a cause to be thrown away. Ours is a culture that has literally turned its back and forgotten the elders.

For pioneers like Steve Nero who is diligently working on a law to prevent guardian abuse, this is going to be an uphill battle. But he is ready and continues to champion his cause for Viola’s law:

“Viola’s Law, conceptually, stands for closing legal loopholes, holding government accountable for refusing to protect the elderly or honor their wishes; criminalizing elder financial exploitation, especially by court appointed guardians and restitution to the elderly and their family members for funds and time spent advocating for their loved ones. Most importantly, granting adult guardianship only in the most extreme circumstances. 

What other system would force you to pay someone to strip you of all personal freedoms without due process of law, then fight you in court to maintain control if you object.  By law the court appoints another court appointed lawyer, who refuses to challenge the court appointed guardian.  The senior is then billed by both lawyers is also, by law, denied the right to hire a private attorney. We need laws, to make lawyers and government - obey the law. “  This is the mantra of a son who’s heart is breaking, but who has been fighting continuously to win. To win requires everything that Steve has in his spirit: tenacity, fortitude, compassion and love.


Steve's story is one of many. It only takes hearing about them and letting others know that will raise awareness of such how horrible legal abuse.

Part of this victory against guardianship abuse requires the support of many. The type of support that is needed is not monetary; but support through emails, online networking and support  that oppose this legalized crime and eliminating future victims of such abuse.


Organization:
The National Association To Stop Guardian Abuse

The Going Going Gone List – Part 1

Now this is something that is going to be an ongoing event in Life As We No Longer Know It because the list just keeps on keeps growing.

The Post Office 1775-????????

Well, this one was a no brainer. Did they really think that they would be able to stay afloat with email versus escalating postal stamp prices? Email has been around since the early 70s and came more into prominence for the consumer in the late 80s early 90s…I got online in 91 through AOL. Can you believe that AOL is 28 years old?…Yep believe it. 

Now, how is the post office which is about to face hit the employee pension glacier going to keep itself afloat with all of this burgeoning technology? Well, first, we have to understand that packages aren't viral. So if the USPS became more of a say, Fed-Ex Kinkos, this would probably help. What about offering services like an internet café?

Postal package delivery is still cheaper than UPS and Fed-Ex…If the USPS doesn't get it together and make some major upgrades they will be gone, and our first Postmaster General, Benjamin Franklin will be rolling over in his grave.

List of USPS closures

 

________________________________

 

The Yellow Pages

Yes there's an app for that. And with so many of us electronically leashed through our cell phones, tablets and the internet what's the point? The phone book for me is just something I continue not to ask for, yet gets delivered that I throw in the recycling bin for collection. Back in the day, it was viable. Today, I can't even count on one finger recently where I was looking up a business and thought about going to the phone book as a resource. I'm just sayin'….

 _________________________________________________________________________

 

Public Phones

 


They used to be everywhere…I may see one every once in a while…Sometimes I see the booth with no phone there: like an antique carcass of technology. The only sign of what had been.

 

 

 

 Watches

They make great collector items…I can't believe Timex watches are still around and they have a website!…I haven't seen many 20 something's wearing them, but in the next few years will they still be around? Doubt it.

 _______________________________________________________________

Spelling

With the advent of texting and abbreviating words-----do u thnk tht any1 will no hw 2 spll n the nxt 5 yrs?

 

 ________________________________________________________________
 

 

Hard copy magazines, books and newspapers

I've got a Kindle and an Ipad. I'm an avid reader…Do the math.

  _________________________________________________________________

 

DVDs and CDs

They WILL be gone…Notice how more streaming of movies is available through your phone, TV or gaming system or table? CDs? Going baby…

Everything is downloadable. Have you checked out the $5 bin at Walmart? There trying to get rid of all that stuff…It's not because they're rolling back those prices.

____________________________________________________________

Rotary Dial Phones

Although I found a site that makes new "old" phones, they pretty much have gone out to pasture. Whenever you see something that used to be popular with the word "vintage" before it, you pretty much know that it's gone on to become pricier than it was when it was a mainstay in our world…One thing I remember about these phones. They weighed a ton. You could kill someone with them…Seriously.

 _________________________________________________________________

Phone Receptionists

A lot of people lost jobs with this one. Remember when you could pleasantly talk about the weather with a phone receptionist? She would NEVER tell you to dial 1. 

We knew companies didn't want to talk to us when the Dial 1 virtual receptionist came on the scene…What creeps me out: she refers to herself as "I"…"Let me see if I can help you." And I break out in hives.

Privacy

Many of us aren’t really liking the changes to Facebook if they have  a personal page. For most of us, it presents an unrealistic view of the world cluttered with a scrolling time-line with non-news like who’s friends with who and who changed their profile picture. Who cares?…All most people want to do is connect. 

So what’s the scary side of this “new” change? Plenty, it’s called intrusion and the true compromise of privacy…Everybody can see what you’re saying and to whom… Many of us question, “Why?” The world we knew had something called privacy…What with companies selling your information for profit, we’ve become nothing more than ants under their microscope…We’ve just become subjects…Our children will know a different world when it comes to privacy… By the time they reach our age, they’ll realize that they’ve been had…Will we ever go back to a simpler place in time? Can  we? 

Don’t get me wrong, technology is great…I wouldn’t be able to communicate with you on such a broad scale were it not for the internet…But, somehow, the virtual world never developed boundaries…That’s the problem…So while it may feel ok to be LinkedIn, FB'd and Google plussed, you're really under the vision of the all seeing virtual "eye".

Mammy, How I Love Ya...

Everyone's talking about the film based on the novel "The Help"…I saw the trailer , read the Facebook page and saw the film.  I'm incensed…Everyone's singing it's praises and I can't see it…This is the ultimate travesty of truth. Not since the ridiculous "re-writing" of Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn to replace the word nigger or the "N" word (for those of you who are registered in the Politically Correct club) have I been more outraged.

Here again is media trying to "soften the blow" of America's injustice and glamorizing the turbulence of the 6Os south. As if this story would have really happened. This is truly from my perspective a work of fiction. And as I'm writing this entry, I just read a current event. A 46 year old black man in Jackson Mississippi, where "The Help" story is set, was the victim of a hate crime and brutally murdered, a racially charged hate crime. This was just a couple of days ago….When are people going to get it? 

Here we go again, the black woman portrayed as the selfless matriarch who seems more involved in the family she works for than her own. This "vision" of fiction has played out in Hollywood too many times to count…

The ABC series, 20/20 did a story on "The Help and interviewed  women "mothered" by black women who felt more familiarity and closeness with "the help" than they did their own flesh and blood mothers. But as I am watching this and biting my bottom lip, I'm wondering if anyone else is asking my questions.

In all of this soapy romanticism of these women recalling life with their "mammies", did anyone consider the children of the women who had to walk or ride the bus long distances? These women, mothers themselves prepared the food, polished the silver and cared for the children in these wealthy white households and couldn't even use the toilet in the house.

Did anyone consider the black children whose mothers and grandmothers came home, exhausted and tired, working for a penance, feet aching? Did anyone consider how these children were victimized in the process? There were many victims in this scenario, from the white children to the black children to the black domestic help. It is the heartbreaking side of the story that isn't portrayed in this work of fiction. It's the reality of poverty, the reality of a different kind of Christmas, of not having enough for your own, while the children you watch for someone else are lavished and yours go wondering "Why can't I?" The question was asked in the film. "How does it feel to raise other people's children while yours are being watched by others? This would have been a perfect time to show that with a visual vignette.

Hattie in character

Hattie McDaniel

Let's face it, the 60s were probably the most turbulent decade of our times…The only positives are the music.  Motown and the Beatles  became the backdrop of our lives, but there is also the big fail on America's report card as to how it treated its own citizens. 

Hattie McDaniel's speech as recipient of the Academy Award was cleverly edited to make it appear that she gave her speech in the room with her Hollywood "colleagues".

When Hattie McDaniel, the first black woman to sing on the radio in America and the first to win the Academy Award for playing Mammy in "Gone With The Wind", mentions being a credit to her race in her acceptance speech it seemed to me to take black people back to slavery. I understand that she was humbled by the award. But who told her to say that? I'm a baby boomer. I'm supposed to be in the last generation to know of these indignities and tragedies of the human spirit in America and the "colored only" signs.

I want the younger people to understand that it was women like McDaniel who played numerous roles in Hollywood, mostly all the same: 300 roles and only credited with 80. So many black actors, great pioneers of color pushed forward through the indignities of a selfish, segregated playing field all in the hopes for the future of the young people of color of today. And what do these youth do today? Run around like a crazy bunch of banshees with no dignity and no shame in their game.

The show Beulah (1950-1953) was the first sitcom to cast a black woman in a leading role. She was the domestic for a middle class family set in the 50s. There were three actresses who played Beulah: Ethel Waters (1950-51) Louis Beavers (1952) and Hattie McDaniel (1952).  There were about 78 episodes, but only about 7 survived.

Of course the mammies and the children they worked for bonded. They were both victims of the same sick cesspool of social iniquity.  Had "The Help" been real, the maids would have been lynched and killed, the male members in their families would have followed the same fate. The progressive white woman who wrote for them would have been labeled  a "nigger lover" and run out of town. This is the reality of our truth in America in the 60s in Jackson Mississippi. The fantasy of this film is a travesty and an affront to those who suffered massive indignities. This is my problem with "The Help".


While I didn't grow up in Mississippi, I do know people who did. Their childhood  no real romance, with memories of social horrors and treatment and what they had to do without and the "lump in the throat" reality of what they were forced to accept.

It's almost as if Hollywood embraces the bullshit that it feels most guilty about. In the glory of its political-correctness it concocts a sticky-sweet stagnating stench in the hopes that somewhere in the very distant future someone will come upon this film and /or this book and believe that this taste of media is real history and it wasn't really that bad. None of us who grew up in it, will be here to defend it. It's apparent that the only time a film with these social parameters gets pumped is when a white person helps a black person out of an abyss.

Can author Kathryn Stockett accurately echo the thoughts of a black character with any integrity? I say no, just because of the fantasy that falls in with the plot line. Ask Ablene Cooper, who works for the author's brother. She happens to have the name of the main character in the book with distinguishing resemblances that are more obvious and more than a casual coincidence. She is suing the author for damages and feels humiliated…I do understand…The case, which Ms. Stockett is trying to get squashed, asserts that the author used Cooper's name and likeness without permission. A hearing is set as of this writing in the next several days. If I were Ms. Cooper, I would get a percentage of every book and a percentage of royalties from the film.

The critics are singing the praises of the film and dub the main character, a woman of color named Abilene, a heroine. Of course. This appeases the guilt and takes away the sting of the reality of Jackson in the 60s. And so it goes: this conundrum that we call showbiz...I had to keep asking myself if this was done through Disney studios.

I'm not blaming anyone for how our country earned its "black marks". All things being said, the performances were brilliant and gave the film the credibility it needed. Sissy Spacek (Missus Walters) and Cicely Tyson (Constantine Jefferson) gave their experience in the game as the true veteran actors they are with a myriad of solid portrayals to their credit. Viola Davis deserves an Oscar for her performance as the signature character Abelene Clark. I am always amazed at her talent and the depth of her input into her characterizations. A super standout is Octavia Spencer (Minny Jackson). She should get an Oscar for her performance. She was all up in this role. Bryce Dallas Howard was intense as the hot mess southern socialite, Hilly Hilbrook. Of course she's good! Her dad is Ron Howard!

I do take issue with the big romance that's going on with "The Help" and the tunnel vision of those who laud it with blinders on. I really had a problem with the white viewers who gave me a patronizing look as they left their seats when the house lights went up. Yee gads! HELLO! I'm not a maid! This isn't all we are. Can you see me???? THIS is why I have an issue with this film and find it subliminally dangerous.

While I'm at it,  here's my memo about the NAACP which endorses this film, (but had Amos and Andy thrown off of TV) The NAACP is about as obsolete as the 8 track tape and Betamax.

I do take issue with an author who writes a story that takes place in the very turbulent south and turns it into a fairy tale. I know, I know. The credit does read, "based on the novel". I don't think that hotbeds in history should ever be romanticized. Even the Brothers Grimm kept it real.

 

Say It Loud: The birth of Reality Insanity

Everything new is old, so if anyone should have had enough of reality shows, it’s baby boomers…And we got a big dose of it in 12 episodes back in 1973. This abhorrent “art form” called Cinema Verite broke ground in 1971, pulverizing a family to shreds before our very eyes.

Remember the Louds who’s participation as America’s first guinea pigs of reality literally disintegrated on national TV? I don’t care how ground breaking it may have been, in contrast to what we have to put up with now,  1971’s reality show was tame in comparison. The Loud family did not get paid for their participation. What turned out to be a one time intriguing idea then has spiraled today  into the quick fix for Hollywood's bankroll.

The concept in present day of  a “reality star” represents itself as more  of a buffoon who is willing to do anything to get paid.  You know, “reality star” is the new whore. We have more people who seem to be dredged out of a social swamp who would never make it in TV much less the real world. They really believe that being seen on a reality based show has truly created a legacy for them. 

The truth is that if there is a director, the show is not a reality show, but scripted life. It’s like a having a laugh track behind you at all times in real life and, well, that just doesn’t happen...Apparently, with each passing day there is a new genre of Cinema Verite: the bad girls show, the people with quirky fetishes show, the celebrities need a job and they're going to give their "fans" a glimpse of their lives show, the I had eight babies and I've got to support them show----Please stop the reality...Enough already...The reality show market is flooded and it's starting to look like a huge ant hill.

Who knew that a show, that was filmed from May 1971 to Dec in 1972 would air two years later in 1973 on PBS and titled an American Family would become the grandmother of reality TV? On July 7, of this year PBS aired an anniversary version of the suburbanites in a two hour edition resurrected by the original film makers Alan and Susan Raymond…What were they thinking? Would this trek back down memory lane be able to compete with the reality insanity as the grandmother of reality shows?

In 1973, PBS allowed us to peak through the Loud keyhole in their comfortable upscale home in Santa Barbara. Was this the beginning of the end? There were 5 Loud children and their parents, Bill and Pat Loud. If you forgot the names of the Loud children you would always remember the oldest child, Lance, most remembered by TV viewers...The very likable, animated Lance“came out” during the show's tenure when the word gay was fairly new.  Parents Bill and Pat, ended the filming separated and primed for divorce… So what are the differences between the reality of yesterday and today? Certainly the social mores of our times have become muddled where “bad behavior” is “good behavior” for the directors of reality television. Certainly, the pay is substantial today and less of a visual experiment than the Louds. 

Lance Loud

Everything we know today about Cineme Verite we learned from the experiment that was An American Family.. Sadly, Lance died in 2001, and the videographers filmed the documentary: Death in an American Family. Lance Loud left in his legacy, living his life and being himself on his own terms. He wanted to be seen more as a rebel and outsider rather than the first openly gay icon on television.

Unfortunately, HBO films, released "Cinema Verite" featuring Diane Lane as Pat Loud and Tim Robbins as Bill...I think the most successful part of that endeavor was getting the look of the family. The sad part about Hollywood is its obsession with remakes and this nauseating comfort zone of reality insanity instead of delving into new and creative uncharted television ventures.  And really, who wants to see a bogus "mark up" when we can see the original?

Below is the 2 hour anniversary special of an American Family which aired on July 7th and seemed to be a little under the radar.

In full the two hour special Anniversary Special, condensed from the 12 hour original series.

.

Becoming Vegan: My Veg-ina Monologue

It was a process getting here…I gradually began eliminating certain foods from my eating regimen…And then, it happened, I became vegan…I am missing nothing and gaining everything. So I guess one must wonder what was the pivotal element that got me here. It's simple. I saw something that changed my thinking as I read and saw between the lines. Now don't get me wrong I will never wear a cabbage leaf on my crotch or hate on others that aren't vegan… I do a lot of reading and before I embark on anything I do my research…

So I watched this video called "Glass Walls", narrated by my favorite Beatle, Paul McCartney…There was one scene in this eye-opening documentary that floored me and hit a chord deep within my soul. The slaughterhouse workers were laughing at the suffering of the animals that were being killed, struggling for their lives and had great delight in watching them groping their way into death. My question was, if these people working here would do this to an animal in this way, it speaks of an inherent nature or desire to hurt human life if they could. As if this was a way to satisfy their craving for sadistic cruelty on a human being. I haven't forgotten that Jeffrey Dahmer began his need to kill by killing animals…When I read that the blood pressure of an animal rises as the adrenaline courses through its body as it experiences suffering, horror, stress and cruelty at its death, I just didn't want to be a part of it. I didn't want to harbor the karma of an animal in my body any longer. I know that may sound strange to many, but  for me on a spiritual level it makes a lot of sense.

 

I was also trying to piece together why; as we evolve in our technology we still continue to have more and more cancer. It didn't make sense. It seems that  we are allowed to eat foods regulated by federal entities. We don't get the entire story. It seems to be part of an unspoken plan that slowly kills us. The pharmaceutical companies wait at the end of the line as they rake in revenue providing medications that, while they may cure or eliminate symptoms of illnesses and diseases create other traumas and symptoms to the body. Yes it seems like a conspiracy theory. And maybe it is. Chris Rock made a very profound statement, "The money is not in the cure, the money is in the medicine."

So what's so amazing about being vegan? There is for me an inexplicable euphoria and lightness of being. I feel lighter in my spirit and I am respecting this temple that is my body.  I feel more in control of myself.  Being vegan has created a calmness and balance in my digestive world.

So what are the different types of vegetarians?

• Total Vegetarians eat only plant food. They do not eat any animal foods, including fish, eggs, dairy products, and honey.
  
• Vegans not only omit all animal products from their diets, but they also eliminate them from the rest of their life. Vegans use nothing from animals, such as leather, wool, and silk.
  
• Lacto-Vegetarians will include dairy products into their diet of plant food.
  
• Lacto-Ovo-Vegetarians eat both eggs and dairy products.
  
• Pesco-Vegetarians include fish into their diets.
  
• Pollo-Vegetarians eat poultry, such as chicken, turkey, and duck.
  

 This life-style works for me. This was just my personal choice that I decided upon in celebration as I approaching my milestone: my 55^th birthday that is as of this writing a week away. I never did drugs in the 70s or smoked a cigarette. And I get this question all the time: " You NEVER did drugs in the 70s?" Nope…

Being Played By The Game

 

 
What scares me is the look of this unit with two lenses close together that peer at you like eyes;  ominous and all seeing.  Please tell me it isn't so…Here's yet another way that retailers can peep into your keyhole. Microsoft's concept for X-box called Kinect where an individual is the remote rather than holding a remote is a real privacy whore that advertisers can use to spam you even more by being able to "demograph" (my word) you.

Ironically, the ad campaign's slogan for Microsoft's Kinect is "you are the controller". But I think that they forgot to mention the rest of it: "while we watch and are controlling you!"

It's bad enough our information has been sold through Facebook and we've been bamboozled by fake apps and games that find an open space in our world and invade it. In the world of "Life as We No Longer Know It" it's about you and the privacy you're not entitled to.

So when of the  Microsoft foo foo who probably makes a fabulous salary at Microsoft presented the idea at an investment meeting,  he must have forgotten that what he spewed forth was against the privacy policy for Kinect users. Oops! While it has been denied that your data will be used for anything heinous,  I'm just questioning the method behind this madness.  You can't help but wonder about the Kinect's camera peripheral and who's on the other end. Does it disconnect when you turn off the gaming console? All I have to say is, don't smoke a joint and play this game!

I'm sure if Rod Serling were still alive there would definitely be an episode on Twilight Zone poking fun at this new reality. The reality is in living, moving color: your data being targeted, your friends, your kids and anyone who plays the game at your house.

Direct quote from Microsoft's Dennis Durkin:
"Over time, the Kinect camera's ability to distinguish between different users, and therefore tailor content to each user, will "help us be more targeted about what content choices we present; what advertising we present; how we get better feedback and data; about how many people are in a room when an advertisement is shown; how many people are in a room when a game is being played." Theoretically, the camera could also be able to measure the level of interest in a particular game or program, based on factors like which jerseys viewers are wearing (in the case of a sporting event)."

Did that statement make you feel like a test mouse in a maze? Not to mention, I seem to be finding more info on the Kinect system being hacked! Is nothing sacred for the unsacred? I think the more and more I'm finding out about this truth, the more the old board games like Monopoly and checkers sound infinitely more fun and private.

I have to find some interesting levity in the truth about "the eye". Rockwell, you may be on to something here! This song may be the next national anthem…

Or maybe the next Kinect commercial will feature the song by Sting and the Police.

 

There are probably millions of people clamoring to buy this product...It didn't do well with me at the live demo I checked out. It seemed that the camera wasn't working and the guy doing the demo had to resort to using a remote. (I know, a remote. That's soooo yesterday.)

All in all, I don't like the reality based look of the people one these games. The detail is too real especially interesting on the new dance game, Dance Central. The detail is so refined, you can see the wrinkles on the clothing, realistic belly-buttons and breasts...Just wait until the porn industry gets into gaming! I shudder to think what peripheral accessories will come with their games.

Love’s Greatest Heartbreak

 There is no greater silence, no greater stillness…Like a walk in the sun without a shadow…A quiet irresolvable silence that crashes the ears….  Finally the understanding of what forever really means,  I share the feeling of loss with all of those who have also felt the heartache of losing a mother. I hope  that here I can be the voice that can express what some of us cannot...

You look for a road ahead and sometimes it all seems foggy. Our lives come full circle only to understand the unwelcome embrace  of loss: a generation lost to  us in body  and fading to a mist of memory in spirit.

Every day, I listen and hear nothing but the silence as I look forward. The silence is deafening. I just can't make out what's ahead...

Somewhere the reality of this great loss does not surface for us until this- a reality it becomes. We know it will happen, but until it happens, we get lost in the surrealism of what we must accept. I understand the words "no more", yet my mother's soul is all encompassing. I feel her energy each and every day. 

My mother was fair of face, Monday's child, born March 7, 1921.  She was a beautiful woman  with a classic photogenic allure, poise and a winning captivating smile. Her tough as nails exterior concealed the squishy emotions that she kept protected behind a brick wall  reserved only for her own soul... To know her feelings one had to listen to the music that she enjoyed. It painted a canvas of her triumphs, defeats and challenges. 


When my mother was 72 years old, in 1993, she planned and paid for her funeral, burial and made her last wishes known; from the officiating minister to the song she wanted sung...I am consoled that I was able to give her everything she wanted and more.


I find legacy in the things that she left behind and how she handled unforeseen circumstances in her life. Throughout her 89 years, she spoke through her singing, her poetry, her heart and from her very spiritual soul. And while the world may be a little different because she is gone, it is certainly a better place because of the many lives she touched…

So many shared with me the wonderful things that my mother had done and what a purely generous and giving individual that she was. She never spoke of what she did for others... She just lived  her life's credo by the song she wanted sung at the celebration of  her life.

Whoopi Goldberg  made a most eloquent statement about losing her mother:

'I think I’m just sad sometimes because I think, 'Who will love me the way that she did?'

For those who have yet to know and still have your mothers, I celebrate their lives and accomplishments with you.  For all of you who have experienced this loss,  I embrace and comfort you as we find  strength in celebrating the greatest love of our lives.

What If? A Mother’s-versary Story

Twenty four years ago today, I had my second mother's-versary. It's my middle daughter's birthday today. While our kids "own" their birthdays alone we can't discount how important a day it is for moms, dads and siblings.

This pregnancy was a journey from day one. Having been insured with one of the top HMOs that fell short on their reputation, I became a number, stranded in a waiting room for nearly four hours and almost miscarried. 

My pregnancy was high risk, so I dumped the HMO.  A friend referred  me to a doctor who specialized in high risk pregnancies. I'll call him Dr. OBG. Dr. OBG is an incredible physician. He's a straight shooter and is always candid and honest.  It's what I respect most about him.

Having grown up in the Marcus Welby era, it only stands to reason that my idea of a great doctor is one that not only practices medicine in the highly unpredictable field of Obstetrics and Gynecology, but also has a human agenda when it comes to his patients. I've always been fascinated at how every pregnancy and birth is like a fingerprint: some similar, but never completely alike.

In one of our consultations, Dr. OBG advised me that a new test I had taken indicated that my baby may not live more than 5 minutes after birth. I had two options: terminate the pregnancy or  move forward. My response was unmovable and pragmatic. "I'll take my 5 minutes." And while I listened to what I was told, I was not going to terminate this life on a "may not".  What if that possibility were wrong? It was like looking up at a mountain peak without seeing over the top, knowing that there was going to be something on the other side.

There is more than enough growth in being a risk taker and I guess you can say that it will be my epithet. For months my pregnancy was wrought with near miscarriages and stresses. Dr. OBG said that I was a challenge to his career! When your doctor says something like that, all you can say is –dayum! I was in and out of the hospital. Each visit became longer than I anticipated and ended with me attached to  a fetal monitor. I was beginning to think of myself as a POW. I wanted to bust out. Oh—did I mention that I was working in a band? 

By the middle of July, Dr. OBG told me that I needed to go back to the hospital because the baby didn't turn in preparation for birth. There would be an intervention to turn her within the womb. So here I was back in Cedars Sinai Hospital with this on staff doctor who had about as much of a bedside manner as a piranha. I had to lay there while he attempted to turn my baby,  applying an inexplicable pressure on my abdomen and hear his conversation with one of his colleagues. Apparently he had almost hurt a baby in utero while doing a procedure. Angered and amazed at his lack of professionalism and being forced to hear his war story, I wondered if perhaps one of his skills was mind reader, because he would have heard my mind speaking. Do you realize you have a patient here?  It was as if I didn't exist.

Next consultation, Dr. OBG told me that the attempt to turn the baby was unsuccessful. Ya think?! In other words, this baby was intent on being born butt first, telling the whole world to kiss her ass! My only option was a C-section.  Dr. OBG wanted to make sure I wasn't intent on pushing a regular delivery and proceeded to tell me a horror story. He really had nothing to worry about because my goal was to have a successful birth. It didn't matter to me how it happened. So he asked me when I wanted to schedule to have my baby and I replied, "Right fucking, now!" I set the date.

I was coming into the home stretch, admitted and prepped for surgery. A C-section is major abdominal surgery, so I can't understand why now days women would want it as an option over a regular delivery. The anesthesiologist explained what he was giving me to deaden the sensation in my mid section. I had never done any drugs, so this was quite an experience for me. And, wow, it felt like someone had taken a huge meat cleaver and chopped off the bottom half of my body. I had to keep glancing down at my feet to prove it otherwise. 

He asked me if I wanted to be put to sleep. Negative on that option! "Absolutely not. I wasn't asleep when I placed the order!" My mother had been put to sleep when she had me in 1956.  I felt a little cheated that she wasn't awake when I hit the planet.  To eliminate my participation in this birth  and wake up from a sleep like a fairy tale and there was a baby  would  relinquish my power. Although I wouldn't be pushing, I wanted to be able to share this story as an integral part of the birth. And indeed, I was an active part, never dismissing the possibility of having only 5 minutes somewhere in my psyche. 

I was used to the fetal monitor and was hooked up to another monitor. I didn't know what was in those drugs they gave me, but I came up with a bunch of one-liners that would have been the envy of any stand-up comic. Dr. OBG explained to me what the monitor I was hooked up to was for. I was high as a kite and having a blast! After the monitor rendered a straight line, I commented, "Well, according to this monitor, I'm brain dead!" There was laughter in the room. I think everyone in the OR knew that this experience was going to be a little different. I had to push a positive agenda.

I observed everything, watched everything. Although prepared for a short entry and exit, I would hold this baby and say goodbye if I had to, but I wasn't seeing that as my vision after I peeked over the top of that mountain. I was getting close to the zero hour. I watched as my mid section was exposed and open. What an unbelievable visual. It was like they were setting a table with my insides, moving things around! Dr. OBG told me I would feel a little tugging as he pulled the baby from my midsection. I told him, "Doctor, just make sure you don't pull a rabbit out of there!" I was giddy about getting to this point, my moment of truth.

I had decided that if it was a girl I would name her Chelsea and if a boy, Keegan, but at 8:33AM on August 3, 1986 when I met her I said, "Your name is Chelkee (a combination of both names) Sunday's child had arrived! She was gray and looked like she had been packed in a sausage casing. It looked like her lips were all over her face. I  started laughing as I blurted out, "This is the ugliest baby I've ever seen in my entire life!" Everybody was laughing. It was a birth experience of pure team work with a great ending.

I was in recovery, coming down from the biggest high of my life. Dr. OBG came in and said, "You did it, kiddo!" I was overwhelmed with nothing but gratitude and respect for him. All I could say was "thank you" repeatedly. Later that afternoon, the anesthesiologist came to visit and said he had never had such an unusually pleasant and relaxed experience and he was just coming to see how I was doing. Nurses visited. Mine must have been the big story that day. Everyone was wonderful to me. 

I had delivered a healthy 6 lb, 11 oz, 19" baby girl. Dr. OBG and I reminisced at my last appointment. I always keep him updated with photos of the baby in utero that was a challenge to his career. We keep each other updated on our kids' milestones on every visit.

Having a great doctor is everything. He did a beautiful job on my body and I have no scars or war wounds to prove I had a C-section.  Dr. OBG didn't believe that this type of surgery should disfigure a woman's body like back in the day. The first time I got up and walked after  having the baby, it felt like all of my plumbing was going to fall on the floor! I look back and relive my birth stories on my mother's-versaries. I always told my kids: never work on your birth day because it's the only day that uniquely belongs to you.

Sometimes my mind goes: what if? What if I had embraced a "may not"? Chelkee would have never been a Girl Scout, won her award for best essay in grade school, never had the most beautiful wedding in the world or become a talented hair and beauty stylist and business owner with a successful salon. There is something to be said for mother wit and the magical, mystical connection you have with the human being that you carry in your body. It is as awe inspiring as a rainbow.

So, to my baby girl: Happy Birthday! This is your unique day and story…It was my calling to protect your life and I will do that until the day I die. 

Love, 
Mom

 

Going Charles Bronson

It's a new day, so I've been told. But there's really nothing new under the sun. Everything that's happening now has always been happening. We just have more visibility with it due to our technology. News hits the internet and air waves in rocket speed. Statistics are almost immediate. Most of us work hard, set our goals and achieve them with success while others sit around idle, waiting  to come and rain on our parade. 

There is more of this happening than not. These are the people who get egomaniacal defense attorneys who waste the tax payers' dime to defend these low lives, which I refer to as SPUDS. Their lawyers try to tug at our heart strings asking to us to consider how their defendants grew up disadvantaged and how they never really had a chance------blah, blah, blahshit! READ MY MEMO! If you were born into this world with a brain you're not disadvantaged. And shall I explain how the lotus flower grows from the murkiest  of conditions to grow a beautiful bloom, Grasshopper?

Every day I see victims who seem to be long forgotten. All of the sympathy seems to be dredged up for the perpetrator come judgment day for their crimes… I don't care what you've done as a creative entity; amassed fame and wealth in your career, you still must be accountable for your crime. Period. And you will. Doesn't matter how long ago it happened, it has been logged into the annals of negative acts against other people...

I get so tired of  low-life animals getting away with molesting and torturing children. My heart not only grieves for the tragedies of these kids, but I can actually feel their little hearts pounding frantically within their chests in fear. What makes it worse is many of these children are being killed by their own parents. We've got people who prowl around like wolves watching and waiting for the opportunity to pounce and destroy individuals who they perceive as  potential victims.

We work hard for our things, we can't even hold claim to ourselves, because somebody ultimately claims that, too. It's called identity theft. Do you know that when you try to find out who steals your identity, the thief's identity is protected? If that isn't a big WTF!!!!!

I know all you boomers out their remember Death Wish: one of my favorite movies. Charles Bronson was my hero. He played mild mannered Paul Kersey. His demeanor changed after his wife and daughter were brutally murdered in a home invasion. Kersey was so on his game that the police asked him to leave town! He was scaring the criminals! Now that's what I'm talking about! He really knew how to take out the trash! 

Charles was cool, too. He didn't do a lot of talking. His actions spoke louder than words. Now when I looked up the word vigilante and came up with the following definition: "someone who illegally punishes someone for perceived offenses, or participates in a group which metes out extralegal punishment to such a person." Whoever wrote that, I know where you coming from! So I'm sticking with Merriam Webster: a member of a volunteer committee organized to suppress and punish crime summarily (as when the processes of law are viewed as inadequate) Booyah!!!! That's what I'm talking about!

We need to turn the tide on crime; become proactive in our communities and team together to protect what we have rightfully earned and to protect the lives of our loved ones. Sometimes you can counsel a wayward wrongdoer until the cows come home. It's a waste of time. Only when a chord of conscience chimes in their psyche and the perpetrators are willing to acknowledge the depth of their responsibility with the crimes they've committed will there be any possibility of change.

Please let it be known that I'm not going down without a fight. I'm going Charles Bronson! I have no conscience for criminals. You will never hear of me fighting to abolish the death penalty. If you don't agree with me, you can stay in your lane and I in mine, neither of us disrespecting each other for our belief systems. 

I was raised with a solid ethic regarding right and wrong. When I was growing up I was taught that crime doesn't pay and that the bad guys get theirs. It's going to be hard to brainwash that out of me. I'm sure I'm not alone in my thinking. 

For some reason, there is a new train of thought where people who don't do anything with their lives and don't have any compunction about not working and achieving a positive goal feel  they are entitled to your shit! There is no cognitive thinking or regard for the people they victimize and oppress. 

I truly believe that the day is coming when we'll get tired of  hearing that the police can do nothing and the laws are swayed to protect the criminals due to technicalities.  When that day comes, watch out...There's gonna be some new sheriffs in town.I'm just sayin'....